Brilyn, Caeli and Bridget along with other random passersby.
August 2005, Galveston.
August 2005, Galveston.
This picture was taken the day before I was taken to the emergency room by my Mom. I wasn't feeling that bad but I knew something wasn't right. The night we got back from Galveston (see above photo) I started feeling worse. Fever, chills, and most of all my side under my bottom right ribcage was hurting a lot. So, when we got to the hospital (I think I was wearing that outfit) I was seen almost immediately and at that point I couldn't breathe without feeling extreme pain. I remember telling the Dr. "You don't understand, I'm in severe pain". He looked at me like I might be crazy and after that I got pain meds. I don't remember feeling much of anything after that. The next thing I remember is being wheeled down a hall to have the fluid removed from my lungs by a long needle that was inserted in my back. On the way to the operating room, Thomas showed up with some official papers I needed to sign. He needed my signature because we had just sold our house. Shortly after that, I slipped into an official coma and woke up 4 weeks later.
Part Two:
Before going any further, I have to go back to the day I picked up this head-shot that my sister-in-law Lori gave to me. (January 26th, 2005.) I was taking a class that required me to turn one in on the first day. Lori had previously taken the photos and we planned on me stopping by her place on my way to class.
That day Lori starting having grand mal seizures and they wouldn't stop. She was in critical condition and the doctors told us she had less than a 1% chance of pulling through and on top of that absolutely no chance of having any quality of life if she did.
We were devastated. I hated my head-shot and my hair and started to think that I didn't deserve to be happy or beautiful or healthy because I should have stayed with Lori.
So, we kept hoping and praying and insisted on life support while we cried ourselves to sleep every night. Then I decided to cut my hair.
I was out shopping and decided to do it (get my hair cut) without telling anyone. I came home and Thomas, Brilyn, and Caeli looked at me like I was a stranger. I started growing it out immediately. I don't remember hating it, but I don't think it was well received.
Right around that time our parish was getting ready for Lent. Thomas was the youth minister and he decided to move the big, wooden, life-size cross they set-up at the front of the church. He wanted to do it by himself and it fell on him. It busted the skin over his hip-bone.
Later that night we all piled into our tiny Mazda 626 and made the trip to see Lori in the I.C.U at Hermann hospital. While we were there, Thomas went to the restroom to see if his hip was doing okay and that's when M.R.S.A. entered into our lives. That night we got a ticket while driving back to Texas City.
We were trying to go to sleep and Thomas quickly became very ill. (Fever, chills, streaks down his legs.) The next day he went to the doctor and got the right medication. They also started a regimen where they would scrape out the infection every day until it healed up enough on it's own. The M.R.S.A. had already started eating away at his flesh so he had a big hollow hole where the cross hit him.
Looking back, it's very interesting the way all of this started happening because Thomas was carrying the cross.
Luke 14:27
Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
When I got to Lori's apartment, she was holding her 7 month old baby, Claire. Lori told me that she (Lori) wasn't feeling well and she kept "falling" down. Her sister, Carrie was stopping by in a couple of hours to take her to the doctor. I was really concerned and thought about staying with her and skipping my class but talked myself out of it. I remember thinking "Carrie is coming soon, Lori usually has some weird health issue going on and she's always been fine, and I need to get to class."
When I left I remembered she told me to lock the door, but I didn't. Later that night we found out that Carrie arrived at her apartment to find her unconscious on the floor in front of Claire's changing table. Claire was crying on top of the table. Carrie called an ambulance and our family hasn't been the same since.
That day Lori starting having grand mal seizures and they wouldn't stop. She was in critical condition and the doctors told us she had less than a 1% chance of pulling through and on top of that absolutely no chance of having any quality of life if she did.
We were devastated. I hated my head-shot and my hair and started to think that I didn't deserve to be happy or beautiful or healthy because I should have stayed with Lori.
So, we kept hoping and praying and insisted on life support while we cried ourselves to sleep every night. Then I decided to cut my hair.
I was out shopping and decided to do it (get my hair cut) without telling anyone. I came home and Thomas, Brilyn, and Caeli looked at me like I was a stranger. I started growing it out immediately. I don't remember hating it, but I don't think it was well received.
Right around that time our parish was getting ready for Lent. Thomas was the youth minister and he decided to move the big, wooden, life-size cross they set-up at the front of the church. He wanted to do it by himself and it fell on him. It busted the skin over his hip-bone.
Later that night we all piled into our tiny Mazda 626 and made the trip to see Lori in the I.C.U at Hermann hospital. While we were there, Thomas went to the restroom to see if his hip was doing okay and that's when M.R.S.A. entered into our lives. That night we got a ticket while driving back to Texas City.
We were trying to go to sleep and Thomas quickly became very ill. (Fever, chills, streaks down his legs.) The next day he went to the doctor and got the right medication. They also started a regimen where they would scrape out the infection every day until it healed up enough on it's own. The M.R.S.A. had already started eating away at his flesh so he had a big hollow hole where the cross hit him.
Looking back, it's very interesting the way all of this started happening because Thomas was carrying the cross.
Luke 14:27
Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
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| Me, Brilyn and Caeli at TIRR. Part 3 ended with me cutting my hair really short and Lori in a Coma. She was moved to TIRR after months in I.C.U at Hermann. Thomas and I would haul the kids up to Houston when he had enough time off from work. The days were long and hard. Caeli was still nursing and that meant sleeping with me at night. At that point I was exhausted all the time. Brilyn didn't sleep much at night until she was 9 months old. Caeli was born 8 months after that and she nursed around the clock until days before she was abruptly cut off completely when I was hospitalized. Okay, rewind a bit. Caeli was nursing a lot. Any Mom will tell you that sleep is never the same after you have your first baby. There's always a range of anxiety in your heart that ranges from slight to overwhelming after you realize you're responsible for the life of another soul. So looking back I remember being really tired, but I thought that was true for every Mom with a toddler, and I had two. Now I realize there were many signs of MRSA and it's affects that we didn't recognize. After Thomas came home with staph in his cross-wound I began showing signs of infection in other areas but we didn't know it was related. First, I got a boil on my nose. Then a hang-nail got really infected on my left thumb. My nail fell off. I kept getting weird sty's in my eyes that were ragingly painful. A small insignificant scrape on my knee turned into a big swollen, streaky nuisance and I was overall tired and worn out. I figured that maybe lupus was active and since I hadn't seen a Rheumatologist in 4 years, I set up an appointment with a primary care physician that accepted cash patients. Thomas was working for St. Mary's in Texas city and we didn't have health insurance. I explained the situation to the doctor and he agreed after looking at my sty's and thumb that it was probably lupus and we started the process of getting a referral and an appointment to see a rheumatologist at UTMB. Meanwhile, there was a sticky heaviness in the air and in my heart. At night before I fell asleep I would start to pray and was immediately overwhelmed by a vision of me being lead to a guillotine and getting my head chopped off over and over again. I would see it so clearly every night for weeks, replaying like an old movie reel. I knew it was strange but I was convinced that God was trying to communicate something to me. I kept waiting for the visions to go away, Lori to get better, and my thumb-nail to grow back. Everything was moving in slow motion. To be continued... Below is a photo of Brilyn, Caeli and me taken a few days after I was released from St. Luke's. Look closely at my neck and you can see the trache opening.
Back to the guillotine. I described the vision: ( I'm being led to a guillotine by a group of people and proceed to have my head chopped off over and over again.) Then I told him the specific message that God had for him, my husband. "When they come for me, you have to let them take me. Even if you want to fight them you have to let me go. It's my destiny." So he said okay and we went about living our regular lives. All the while Lori was still recovering. She still had a trache when she went home and this really bothered me. I was upset that God hadn't healed her yet and to top it off, some of the doctors were saying that she may have to keep the trache for the rest of her life! Pitiful. I was really struggling with the meaning of life. I didn't think life was worth living when a tube coming out of your throat kept you alive and I let everyone know. I told Thomas, his parents and my parents that IF they were ever presented with the choice to trache or not to trache me, then I would choose to not be even if that meant death. And I was completely serious. To be continued by...  |
