Why I Don't Post Many Pictures Of Myself

• Because I'm usually the one taking pictures and if it's not me (Thomas) than I'm trying to get the kids to pose for him or enjoying one of the rare moments I have where I'm not the one wrangling the kids into form.
• The times we usually have a camera out and ready are at places like Chuck E. Cheese (see above photo) and that doesn't seem like a cool enough background for an adult.
• I'm afraid that if you can see my eyes you might be able to also see how tired I am and I don't want you to feel sad about that.
• I also wonder if posting a lot of images of myself might seem conceited.
• On the flip side, I wonder if my image will disappoint you.  (Just another, more warped version of conceit.  Giving appearance too much power.)

Let's visit the last two for a bit:  If I look pretty, I don't want anyone to be jealous and if I don't look pretty I don't want the imagined shame of letting you down.  Yes, I feel like it's part of my job to bring beauty in the world and I don't want to disappoint by reminding anyone of anything that isn't.  (I know that both are very warped and egocentric.) I know this sort of thinking isn't good and that's why I'm talking about it here, with you,  because just in case you see me and ask me how I'm doing I probably won't have time to get into things like this.   I'll either have my kids around me or I'll only have a few minutes before I have to pick them up, etc.

I also know that there are three, very beautiful eternal people that I've helped bring into existence and that makes me abundantly happy which brings me to...

Open House

•  I really, really love my kids and think that images of them are special.  See, I just can't help myself. 

So, maybe I'll start (trying) to post more images of myself if I remember that they really are just images and the real me (and you) is so much more than our appearance.   I guess there can also be beauty in very tired eyes that have seen a lot of sad things but (at least) still have the privilege of seeing.

Dear God,

Please help us to know our value because of your love and your purpose for our lives.  Help us to seek your beauty out in others and to remember that "not as man sees does God see, because man sees the appearance but the Lord looks into the heart."  (1 Samuel 16:7)